I’m really disappointed in myself. I’ve gained over 30 lbs over the past year and every time someone reminds me, the knife turns. I’ve gone through spurts of trying to eat healthier/exercise but they were short-lived. Before VidCon I ran on the treadmill for 40 minutes every day—but I didn’t start doing that until 4 days before I left. Then when I came back from LA, I’d already fallen out of the habit.
Two weeks ago I started eating a lot healthier, went fruit and vegetable shopping, and I walked to the store when I did so. I lost 5 lbs in a week, which is awesome, but then Thanksgiving came—and here I am four days later still feasting.
I don’t know what it is about food. I eat it when I’m sad, I eat it when I’m happy, I eat it when I’m bored, I eat it because it’s there. Some days I start off really healthy with a grapefruit, some cereal, but by 10pm I’m so hungry that I eat anything I can get my hands on. I’m sure it goes without saying that these hands-on foods aren’t exactly healthy.
What I need to do is really discipline myself when it comes to bad food and schedule workouts. And that makes it sound so easy. “Just do this.” You gained weight? Just eat less and move more! Simple! But why is it so hard to get MOTIVATED. I mean I definitely have enough motivation: comments every day telling me I got fat, I looked better before, “YOU GAINED A SHITTON OF WEIGHT.” I barely fit in my clothes. I don’t feel good. Somehow, though, instead of these things making me want to do something about it, they just depress me and make me do other things to keep my mind off it, like—you guessed it—eat.
I don’t know. I guess I had to put this in writing so that I’d have some sort of textual promise that I’d do it. I never write, therefore I haven’t tried this technique, therefore I hope it helps. I’m not going to say “I must not eat ice cream.” But I am going to say, “I must not give up.”